from django.conf import settings
from reddit.post import vintage_bleach_poster
class VintageBleachPoster(object):
# July 30, 2013, 8:47 a.m.
def  __init__ ( self, category="WTF", adult=False, author="thenamesteve" ):
full_title = "Vintage bleach poster"
url = "http://i.imgur.com/XbqEpPT.jpg"

votes = {"up": 8815, "down":6638}
score = 2177

def  load_comments ( 403 ):
if ups == 55 and downs == 16:
date = "July 30, 2013, 11:15 a.m."
author = "JungleFever24"
"""That boat doesn't look safe."""
elif ups == 44 and downs == 11:
date = "July 30, 2013, 5 p.m."
author = "bluedevil0423"
"""I imagine this comment made in a Jim Gaffigan voice. The one where he impersonates a woman in the audience."""
elif ups == 56 and downs == 12:
date = "July 30, 2013, 6:27 p.m."
author = "eatmypoo97"
""""That boat doesn't look safe. There's two black people on there." -Jim Gaffigan"""
elif ups == 22 and downs == 4:
date = "July 30, 2013, 7:13 p.m."
author = "COBatman"
""""Why is the one so white? Is he a polar bear?" Jim Gaffigan"""
elif ups == 16 and downs == 8:
date = "July 30, 2013, 5:31 p.m."
author = "[deleted]"
"""I was going with "hot pockets" tone"""
elif ups == 15 and downs == 3:
date = "July 30, 2013, 5:59 p.m."
author = "newredheadit"
"""[In the same voice:] "Why is he always talking about food?" """
elif ups == 2 and downs == 0:
date = "July 31, 2013, 4:12 p.m."
author = "FastRedPonyCar"
"""I imagined it being said by the whale that was rejected by e-harmony again. Woooooooooooooooo It's mostly water weight...."""
if ups == 996 and downs == 188:
date = "July 30, 2013, 1:16 p.m."
author = "calosauce"
"""There's a joke here where I live that says: "The father of an African family goes back home to his sons with a magic soap saying 'Alright, I bought this magic soap that'll turn us in white people, so we don't have to deal with racist trouble anymore. I will test it first'. Dad becomes a classic Caucasian male with straight brown hair and blue eyes. Children get excited and yell: 'Now it's my turn. NOW IT'S MY TURN'. The father pushes them back violently and says: 'Fuckin niggers, always pissing me off'"."""
elif ups == 348 and downs == 63:
date = "July 30, 2013, 1:42 p.m."
author = "JackBond1234"
"""For some reason I imagined that last sentence in the Dave Chappelle white voice."""
elif ups == 108 and downs == 21:
date = "July 30, 2013, 5:25 p.m."
author = "direhit1"
"""Dave Chappelle's white voice is amazing."""
elif ups == 62 and downs == 4:
date = "July 30, 2013, 5:46 p.m."
author = "Christian_Jake"
"""[Would you care for a glass of grape juice?](http://youtu.be/NuTjQLfU6Gk?t=2m5s)"""
[]
elif ups == 9 and downs == 3:
date = "July 30, 2013, 9:02 p.m."
author = "Vorsai"
"""I'm sorry officer I...I didn't know I couldn't do that."""
elif ups == 5 and downs == 0:
date = "July 30, 2013, 7:56 p.m."
author = "minddropstudios"
""""Box of wine.""""
[]
elif ups == 1 and downs == 0:
date = "July 30, 2013, 7:20 p.m."
author = "DefendedCobra29"
"""It really is. I mean, he sounds exactly like a white person. Exactly."""
elif ups == 109 and downs == 20:
date = "July 30, 2013, 4:03 p.m."
author = "Kr0nos"
"""This enhances the joke."""
elif ups == 20 and downs == 4:
date = "July 30, 2013, 5:38 p.m."
author = "Mad_Sconnie"
"""That character would have never said that, though. He would have said, "Dad gum Negroes" or something."""
elif ups == 16 and downs == 2:
date = "July 30, 2013, 6:46 p.m."
author = "ThatBeRutkowski"
"""People, people please. Peop.. would you cut the malarky! """
elif ups == 14 and downs == 10:
date = "July 30, 2013, 6:18 p.m."
author = "CUM_IN_THE_FISHBOWL"
"""#"""
elif ups == 1 and downs == 0:
date = "July 30, 2013, 11:15 p.m."
author = "kluger"
"""yep did that without even seeing this comment"""
elif ups == 26 and downs == 3:
date = "July 30, 2013, 6:05 p.m."
author = "at_ease"
"""This sort of stuff still happens in [India](http://youtu.be/ubbufbkbovY) . It's in Hindi but you'll understand. 'What a face!'"""
elif ups == 8 and downs == 3:
date = "July 30, 2013, 6:57 p.m."
author = "Troll_berry_pie"
"""It's sad in India and Pakistan though. The advertising for these bleaching products is so heavy that even kids are using them now."""
elif ups == 4 and downs == 1:
date = "July 31, 2013, 1:09 a.m."
author = "gibbonofdoom"
"""Crikey! Be white and not only will you get the job, you'll get the man, be famous and make your father love you! What am I waiting for!"""
elif ups == 2 and downs == 0:
date = "July 31, 2013, 1:20 a.m."
author = "wisty"
"""It could be worse: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPayFrCOiZM (Indian ad for 18 Again)"""
elif ups == 7 and downs == 4:
date = "July 30, 2013, 7:45 p.m."
author = "calosauce"
"""If this is an actual cosmetics ad, well, I have to reconsider my opinion on Indian/Asiatic people's dignity and wisdom. """
elif ups == 4 and downs == 2:
date = "July 31, 2013, 2:38 a.m."
author = "gipsyish"
"""Well, it's not really much different than those tanning lotions here in America."""
[]
elif ups == 76 and downs == 16:
date = "July 30, 2013, 1:44 p.m."
author = "gruntmeister"
"""Heh I only knew the variation with the magical river: "A black family of four hears about a magical river that can turn them white if they swim across so they go and the dad and mom swim across, and they come out white, the daughter jumps in and swims across and she turn white, so the son tries to swim but the current takes him and the little girl goes up to dad and goes, daddy daddy Kobe just got taken by the current and the dad says, 'Ah, fuck that nigger'." """
elif ups == 56 and downs == 16:
date = "July 30, 2013, 5:44 p.m."
author = "jorsiem"
"""This is the version I knew, way funnier than calosauce's one. The other variation one I've heard goes like this. Two black men were walking around the city and they see a business with the sign, 'Come inside, we can turn you from black to white cost: $2.00!' One of the men had a $5 dollar bill and the other one only had a $1 bill so the first one says, 'let me go in, try it out and if it works, I'll give you the other dollar' So the first man goes in, five minutes later he emerges from the door wearing the same suiit but a caucasian tall, blonde, blue-eyed man. So the other one says 'Wow! it worked, can I have my dollar now?' The first one gives him a perplexed look, and say's 'Why are you asking me for money?, get a job, you lazy nigger""""
elif ups == 37 and downs == 8:
date = "July 30, 2013, 6:48 p.m."
author = "[deleted]"
"""I know a similar joke but it's about Jews. Two Jews are walking down the street when they pass by a church. The priest out front says, "Today we are giving $10,000 to anybody who converts! Today only!" The first Jew says, "No way! My faith is too important to me." The second Jew says, "But cmon, for 10 grand? I'm definitely down." So the second Jew comes in, and comes back out 15 minutes later. The first guy says, "Well? Did they give you the 10 grand?" To which the second guy responds, "Psh, that's all you people ever think about.""""
elif ups == 30 and downs == 16:
date = "July 30, 2013, 6:56 p.m."
author = "gormanmod"
"""There's a funny story in the bible where Moses marries a black woman and his sister gets pissed. So God goes 'motherfucker, you don't talk to my hommie Mozzi that way. I'mma turn your skin white, bitch'.....paraphrasing, of course. So Moses' sister, being a white woman in the middle east, runs the fuck out of town in a panic. Because as we all know, white women in the middle east don't last. So Moses be all like 'Yo hommie'El, imma be honest, I want my sister back to dat hot brown.' So god be all like "hommie, if dat girl got spat on by her chief nig, you know she be feelin' it for 7 days. So in 7 days I'mma turn that white woman back to that sweet crispy brown you folk got in Egypt. And so it was written, and so it was done. Thus is the tale of Moses' sister being a white woman for 7 days. **Numbers 12. No fucking shit. I did not make this up**"""
elif ups == 5 and downs == 2:
date = "July 30, 2013, 8:40 p.m."
author = "airpower47"
"""In fairness, he turns her into a leper and not just any white woman."""
elif ups == 4 and downs == 1:
date = "July 30, 2013, 9:06 p.m."
author = "gormanmod"
"""When the Roman Empire collapsed, and with it all medical knowledge of the era, leprosy is actually not a disease, but a catagory of diseases that medieval writers did not have any idea were. Michael Jackson, in their eyes, would have had Leprosy. That's the problem with science. When your government fails, so does the science they were researching. :/ Another fun fact from your local clueless dark age fucks: Dark age Europe did not know what pharmacy was. So they translated it into witchcraft. When you see the word witchcraft in the bible, the greek word is actually **pharmakeia**. Similarly, the word used for witch/ medium, literally translates to "bottles" made of animal skin. A doctor. Essentially these dark age dumbasses didn't realize that they were translating words that basically say not to abuse medicine."""
[]
elif ups == 11 and downs == 4:
date = "July 30, 2013, 4:55 p.m."
author = "[deleted]"
"""Out of curiosity, where in the country do you live?"""
elif ups == 19 and downs == 1:
date = "July 30, 2013, 5:08 p.m."
author = "calosauce"
"""I'm Italian. I heard that joke from a Sicilian comedian in his dialect. I think it's funny and it has a satirical content, though."""
elif ups == 15 and downs == 4:
date = "July 30, 2013, 6:10 p.m."
author = "nedmonds24"
"""It's funny considering that us of Sicilian descent have some African heritage, as well as basically every group of people who have traveled the Mediterranean. """
[]
elif ups == 21 and downs == 14:
date = "July 30, 2013, 6:10 p.m."
author = "[deleted]"
"""It'd be funnier if the last line was "Fuckin' nigg